Welcome to Heart Attack Hollywood

posted by Rikki Tikki Tavi



If you're anything like the contributing writers/editors of Heart Attack Hollywood, then you're well aware that Hollywood ran out of good ideas a long time ago. Yet somehow, over 400 commercially released films are produced each year. A slew of terrible scripted and reality shows debut each fall, winter, spring and summer. Terrible musicians continue to release records Tuesday after Tuesday. Talent parades around Hollywood with no regard to the world the are so horribly influencing day in and day out.

Point being: somewhere along the way this candy-coated dream factory has gotten worse with each passing year and shows no signs of slowing. In fact, it's gotten to a heart-attack inducing level. So much so that we had to write about it.

So as often as possible, Heart Attack Hollywood will provide you with reviews and stews of all the worst that entertainment has to offer today. From the pop star gone awry to the actor turned spectacle, from that bad book to that worse magazine, from the hipster Lower East Side to the hipstery Echo Park, we will not stop until every terrible stone has been turned.

Bear in mind, friends, what we write is in jest. While most stories are rooted in fact, we never intend to hurt any of our subjects or peers, no matter how harsh the review. In fact, if anything, we intend to shed light on topical pop-culture phenomena as it comes our way. Should our words happen to be malicious, we apologize, but so be it. Quite frankly, the only reason we're here is to help make this industry better by identifying what's wrong with it through a clear and broad lens. Please keep that in mind as you read. After all, what's writing if you can't have some fun and stir up a few otherwise-dying embers?

*Before we go, and since this is our first post at Heart Attack Hollywood, we thought we'd explain the guidelines of the heart attack rating system. The scale of heart attacks goes from 1-5, 1 being the best of the worst, and 5 being so terrible that we'd rather die on the table then see what comes next. Here's how it breaks down:

1 - palpatations
2 - left arm pain
3 - infarction
4 - coronary
5 - heart attack

That being said, we'd give this post a 1, for example, as it wasn't that bad, but we still felt like douche bags for writing it, and we'd punch ourselves if we ever saw us in public.

See how the system works? Good... Let's begin.

Editor